Gold Polka Dots in the Sky

    

     A good friend of mine recently suggested I start a blog about all my hikes, and although it is a fantastic (and practical) idea, I’ve been hesitant to do so.  It seems like it might take something I love doing and turn it into work (God Forbid).  For now the idea is on the back burner, however, today’s post IS about a hike, just coincidentally.  Not so much about the hike, but how the hike made me feel and how healing the outdoors can be. This seems to be a common theme with my posts lately, so maybe the hiking blog is happening unintentionally :). 

     I woke up in a funk this morning, as I pretty much do everyday. I’m kind of like a toddler that way, the 2 year old who wakes up grumpy from her nap and doesn’t want anyone to touch her or talk for half an hour.  That’s been me my whole life, I’m just not a morning person. As I get older it’s been getting worse, I wake up after a night full of mysterious and crazy dreams where my past mingles with my present, and it takes me awhile to shake off this feeling that at some point in my life I took a wrong turn. The feeling usually dissipates after I’ve had my coffee and started my day, but this morning I was irritable long after the coffee kicked in.  I’d gotten a couple of unsettling texts from a co-worker, and was feeling frustrated with people and life in general. I’m a Cancer, and although I don’t put much stock in Astrology, I have been told that Cancers tend to be ultra sensitive, compassionate (to a fault at times), and, we are like sponges-we absorb everything that’s going on around us. I definitely do that. I take the entire world’s problems and feel as though I need to solve them in one day. People I don’t know are suffering and it makes me suffer.  This past week especially, with all the hurricanes and earthquakes, those are real problems and I hurt so badly for the people affected.  On the other hand, I feel sometimes like things in my own world have been hit by a hurricane, with all the drama I subject myself to.  Why does there have to be so much drama? Or better question, why can’t I shake it off?

     So, despite my funk, we hit the trail, one of our favorites-Black Bear Trail in Golden Gate State Park- and for the first 10 or 15 minutes I trudged away with a million thoughts going around and around in my brain (oh how I wish sometimes there was a magic pill I could take to turn that brain noise off, one that is legal and doesn’t have side affects or cause addiction of course). I’m thinking about my friend from work who is struggling, and is there anything I can do to help.  I’m thinking about how today is the year anniversary of another good friend’s passing, and how just now I am finally letting myself grieve. I’m thinking about how in the world are all those people going to rebuild after the hurricanes.  I’m thinking about how I went 3 weeks without a migraine and then had 3 in the last 5 days, and am I ever going to get better. I’m thinking about the state of the country and why on earth are people still supporting this crazy man in the oval office (yes, I'm going there, sorry).    I’m thinking about the 4 part time jobs I have and how I’m going in a million different directions and I’m still broke. I’m thinking about struggles I’m having with some family dynamics and how I wish I could just express my feelings without being ridiculed or having a meltdown. I’m thinking that I’m irritated at my boyfriend walking ahead of me on the trail and I don’t even know why, he hasn’t done anything wrong!  (I guess I wish he could just fix everything). As I am thinking all of these thoughts and wanting to express them, I decided to stay quiet-no need for drama on the trail-and instead I looked up. Thank God I looked up. The sky was bright blue with scatterings of paint brush clouds, and Gold, Gold, Gold everywhere!  The Aspen trees are turning! I thought they might be, but I also thought it might be a bit early.  It was like gold polka dots in the sky, and I don’t know why, but it almost made me cry.  I remembered when I was a kid how my parents would always want to take a drive to look at the Aspens.  I would sit in the back seat with a book and a pillow and either read, sleep, or fight with my little brother the entire drive. What was so interesting about the Aspens turning? They’re just leaves. Who cares? I’m missing the Brady Bunch for this. (11 year old me talking). Now that I’ve reached (or passed) middle age, I can’t believe I’ve lived more than half my life in Colorado and never gave a s#*t about the Aspens.  Today these Aspen leaves I never cared about turned my entire perspective on life around in one glance. To be surrounded by shimmering gold leaves and beautiful monarch butterflies fluttering all about, not a soul in sight but the man I love (who I’m not irritated at anymore), now that was enough to get me out of my funk.  I wanted to call my friend with all her problems and tell her: “Get on the trail!! Now! You will feel so much better, I promise!” It reminded me of how the ocean used to make me feel. Back in Dana Point we lived near a park, Pines Park, literally less than half a mile from our house. From that park you could sit on a bench and look out over the Pacific Ocean, sparkling like diamonds, and if you were lucky maybe even see some dolphins. I would take long walks around our quaint neighborhood with it's funky beach bungalows and mansions and empty lots and beautiful roses blooming all year long, and eventually wind up at that park, where I would sit for hours sometimes, mesmerized by the sea. (Or even better, the sun sinking into the sea).  It’s the thing I miss most about California, how when I was having a bad day I’d just walk to the beach or Pines Park and stare out at the water and everything would settle into place.  Today I felt that peace again, and for once I didn't long for the ocean.  Everywhere I looked were fields of gold (is that what the Sting song is about?), or mountains flecked with gold dust from trees that were just turning.  When we finally did encounter a few people on the way down, everyone was so happy! Like minded people take to the trails, or maybe it’s the trail that makes us like minded. Everyone is polite and kind and encouraging and positive-how refreshing! A poor girl’s shoe was falling apart and she asked if we had any duct tape. I laughed, thinking of Reese Witherspoon in the movie “Wild”, and how she has to tape her sandals together after her hiking boot tumbles over a cliff.  We were desperate to help her. I think we have an extra pair of boots in the car, a size 7? No, she wears a 9. Maybe some rope or a shoelace or a bandana to tie it together? I was determined she complete her hike, and they were sure they had something in the car, they had just gotten started and weren’t too far from the parking lot. I so hope they found something and got to experience the same glory we did.  

    I say that Nature is my Church, and it really, really is. (It’s funny how it’s become the theme for my blog, when really I started out wanting to write about all sorts of things.)  I have tried traditional churches, and I think it’s wonderful that many people find comfort there, but it’s not for me anymore. I find my comfort and peace outside.  Every single time we hit the trail my problems fade away, even if it’s just for 2 or 3 hours. In that 2 or 3 hours I leave the news and drama at home and forget who the President is. In that 2-3 hours I fall in love with my boyfriend and best hiking buddy all over again and it doesn’t matter that I don’t have enough money or that maybe I’ve made lots of mistakes over the years. In that 2 or 3 hours, I think about how lucky we are to have nature in our back yard (we don’t even have to get on I-70!!). In that 2-3 hours I feel a kind of peace I’ve never before experienced, and I wonder, why haven’t I been doing this all my life? And I swear in those few hours I can feel my friends and family members who are in the after life circling around me, whispering their love through the trees. I’m not sure what kind of God I believe in anymore, but surely there is a Higher Power that is responsible for this kind of beauty.  We got home today and I was astounded at how amazing my pictures turned out, all from an Iphone, and couldn’t wait to post them on Facebook.  I want everyone to experience what we did today, and to know that the window for Aspens is only a short one (3-4 weeks maybe?), so get out there! Don’t just go for a drive though (BORING!), walk amongst the blazing orange and gold trees, gaze up into the sky, listen to the leaves rustling, notice the butterflies perched on the bushes, and say hello to your fellow hikers. You will feel so awesome, even if it’s just for 2-3 hours.

Peace, Love, and Namaste,

Sunnie